leave the lights on

"on the wild nights who can call you home? only the one who knows your name"

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the best feeling in the world is to gain epiphanies. talked to Ms Yao and Gladys today over a cup of coffee, a borrowed pencil, and books, she asks what happens when the marginalized are given a voice? what happens when you try to colour in those who live in the spaces, do you restore the power balance or...? today laoshi also talked about 小说s in class, about how they all reflect a societal norm, giving stories the ability to pull readers in and relate in a collateral manner.
thus are these norms presented in an 'uplifting manner'? elusiveness, uncertainty, a lot of ambiguity. what does that suggest

tonight is one of the rare nights where a physical human presence is much, much needed. lovely younger sister is tucked away under her covers and her eyes are flickering into thoughts of another world, a dreamless world, while the older sister is a forty-minute drive away (tonight i am thankful she is no further than that) (and tonight i wonder, in a few years time will i bear to be?) in place is chemistry, dad's words over dinner resounding in my mind, and small talk when i open the door to my mum's room, purposefully, over and over, to recognise the familiarity in the smells of chamomile and to feel a tranquility that i cannot feel elsewhere. there is a chasm somewhere but it can be filled.

i am feeling quite awake.