saving samson

the morning sun
holding us up
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clouds spilling out of our hands into the horizon too gentle to forget
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dancing : has been truly liberating. could you feel us last saturday night because i could, really keenly. one thing i am really blessed with is guidance (because i can never do anything on my own really) other than spending lots of time with the batch as of late i've had really good conversations with the seniors and my current exco members : ) the more i dance the more i see the value of dance. also farewell was executed pretty well i must say! we had small mishaps but i think everything was fit for a home, and that night i learned that there are some walls i have built around my heart and self-consciousness that i have to deconstruct, and that it is perfectly okay to be vulnerable.

during church yesterday, a thought: that God's humble words sound so much like poetry- especially when they are spirit-led. next to me jp was writing furiously on paper and when i leaned over to take a peek he was writing a letter to God. "hey: what's up bro? i think i am really learning surrender to You."

and the day before - at 10.30pm while my hair was all wet and i was arranging my papers into thin little stacks for a file a friend arrived at my door with a movie, styrofoam cups and chocolate milk. watching Little Miss Sunshine with a treasured person while listening to the rain fall lightly outside was warm, incredibly warm :')

had a long talk with s this morning over eggs, grocery shopping, a haircut and a bus ride, and we talked about the changes that happen to people, the changes in what they do or think or feel, but mostly these changes are not in their control, or our control - these changes are unconscious? how do we truly label ourselves as someone who does this, or is this, when we know we can change any moment... it amazes me how time and circumstance can open up a body by the ribs and what comes spilling out is more than words, it is a soul, and sometimes i look at our bodies and our hands and the spaces between us and everything is just architecture, our bodies are a physical repository and that's all - and recently i realised even if we are of the same language it is so inadequate and it just functions and categorises identities - of course tonight what only shied into the light was a page of a great story. the rest for other days of discovery.

another long talk with someone who makes me feel very safe, with someone who i would not be able to do without in jc. it is good to express these sentiments of thankfulness - so -

today i am thankful that i have friends to keep me in check. i say this very often but we are all normal and we all have problems and i cannot emphasise this enough

david foster wallace said something in his speech about liberal arts, that we tend to see things from where we are because everything to us is so immediate as of our standpoint, we rely on things in our own head. isn't it a waste sometimes that we glaze over people sometimes that we don't realise the blaze in side of them, that it is so bright but we are just... standing at a selfish angle.

looking at the gulf between our trajectories and it is not too out of reach after all