dauntless

imploding.

i haven't felt so much in so long.

should i feel happy? sad? angry? scared?
i don't know what to feel not because of indifference, but because human feelings are not as black and white as people make it to be, they are a mix in the softest watercolors or a swirl formed by the harshest shades. sometimes they fall in between and you stare at the painting but because it is indescribable, it is indescribable

not necessarily a bad thing. i think the way i have regulated my emotion this week has been, simply put, poor. maybe it's my way of fighting these feelings. these hard truths. these convictions that only take place in me and i know will settle and stay. maybe it will do me good. i don't know what will do me good.

twice this week i wake up at 3am feeling rather... i don't even know how to describe it. overwhelmed by the vastness of the night. serendipity. detached even. sometimes fearful.

the more i talk about what i feel about this piece the more i think, the more i relate. this piece is for you. i will not tell you, but you would agree. think about what we have, and it resonates. this piece is about coming to this place. it's about leaving this place. about a web that has been woven, and frustratingly - not yet refined. this piece is about waking up at 3am feeling frazzled, feeling caught.

and the more i prod and the more i ask them, what do you feel? what does this mean to you? the more i realize. the more i want them to shout it, shout it with their bodies, let their lines scream louder than the limits of their extensions let their breaths come alive let their jerks spark a roaring fire and set the dustiest corners of the university cultural centre concert hall ablaze with emotion, echoing with rhythm and resonating with the tangled mess we all have - the tangled mess that becomes your motivations, your reasons. the more i agree, yes, more than meets the eye.

in life as in dance... there is syncopation.

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((super thankful for the seniors who came back, it's like they never really left... also super thankful for B who is so supportive and encouraging as usual))
(week in two words: disappoint, overcome)